Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009: Our Year In Review

2009 might well be known as the year of facing down my fears...

This was one of the last pictures taken of Scott and I in 2008. And, quite frankly, as you may recall we were just in the throws of our most difficult time as a married couple. Praise God He is a redeemer and a teacher... And, that when we hold onto His promises He sees us through the darkness. For me the ending of 2008 was an awakening to how horrible I had been to my husband in our ten years of marriage, how much of him I had taken for granted, and how much I had set him up to fail me in so many ways. SABOTAGE was my middle name. And, over the last twelve months I have finally been able to lay aside my primary fear about my husband: That He couldn't possibly love or want to be married to Someone Like Me... [CHECK] Left that fear in the Throne Room as God has walked me through the most trying time of my married life. He has opened Scott's heart up to me in new and unexpected ways and allowed me to see my husband in a whole new light... His Light.



Around mid-January we added a brand new family member: POGO! Oh, my goodness! I never knew a dog could capture your heart but this little dark-haired, bearded Mister has stolen ours - flat out! I bought him a dog-bone for Christmas and let him eat it on the carpet for crying out loud. You have never seen a group of otherwise composed people fall out for a dog the way the four of us have since this little guy came into our life. He's our "Sweet Potata..." To quote Brittany who had an incurrable aversion to dogs prior to Pogo's introduction. Thank you Lord for Pogo... Fear of a Dog who would chew up all our belongings and might just bite my knee caps (long traumatic story from childhood) [Check] Left that with Pogo. He's our dog! I love my Granpup!
Then there was vacation! Breathtaking views... Time just for us balanced with time with our family. We had an amazing time as I told it right here on the blog. Then upon our return I would begin a job I truly love. A job that is not just a job --- but an opportunity to see God's glory come down every single day.
We had such a good time. Perhaps the best time was driving through the mountains up to Eureka Springs and the Passion Play. MY LORD! He put it on top of a Mountain He did. I had to learn to trust the Lord and my husband's driving in whole new ways. We came through laughing and terrified all at the same time. "Fear of Rolling Down the Mountain" - [CHECK] No longer an issue. Left it in Arkansas.

The Summer left us not only transistioning further into our roles as parents to adult children - we have three that officially have crossed the threshhold. It found us trusting God for Home Ownership. It didn't seem plausible or even possible a year ago today. We could barely pay our rent and keep our one family vehicle on the roadways...


Still, Travis graduated, Brittany made plans to move out on her own and three of our children became licensed to drive during our Summer months in 2009. That is another fear to check off the list: FEAR OF CHILDREN DRIVING [CHECK] Left it at the Department of Public Safety.

Then there was Scott's detour through Virginia in September and October that afforded us the purchase of our very own home. Okay... So the fall introduced a whole littany of fears too numerous to name. Fear that the distance physically between Scott and I might be more than I could bear - it was, but I survived! Fear of credit applications and the mortgage process... HOWEVER... We have a mortgage... Two Car Loans ... mostly because our one family car finally bit the dust in October. We have not had new Credit since 2004 ya'll. We actually had a ZERO Credit Score - I'm sure that would make Dave Ramsey proud. :)

Fear of applying for new credit... [Check] Left that at the bank.


Another fear I have had in my life was that Scott and I would always been walking different paths with God. When he was saved in 2000, I just knew we walk out this wonderful, glorious God-filled journey with some great ministry we could do together attached. But, somewhere over the years I lost that dream. I let it get buried in manipulation, doubt, fear, and well the stuff of a fallen existence. What God could not persuade my man to do for Him... I would push, pull, drag and kick to get. I lived by the motto: "It is better to ask forgiveness than permission." I was a woman on a mission and it certainly was not from God. To my own detriment and at the expense of my husband's sincere devotion both to me and God.

Fear of never walking a journey in the center of God's Will with Scott - [Check] Left that one with my husband. We have a common dream and are each doing what God has put before us to do. It is a really sweet place to live - Surrender where it depends not on persuasion but on purpose and the Lord's power to change and grow us as He wills. Scott's story is one for him to tell when he is ready, but as for me... I am grateful God changed my heart and changed my life by changing my marriage by His Love.

Still not so sure about all that lay ahead for us. God is working that out for us just fine. But, what I do know is we are blessed not only to be in such a wonderful church, surrounded by wonderful people... Not only because we have a new home and new cars and I have a new job I love... Not only because our marriage survived, but because we have each other - and we know what that means to us today. A year ago, I could not have said that. But, today - I can say that we are a house serving the Lord and I am thankful He held us together when many of us were ready to fly the coop.

So... That my friends is our year in review. For me I guess my take-away is I'm not what I usd to be - Thank God. Freedom is not free - it bears a price and often that price means giving up what we think we need for something far more valuable. Thank you God for teaching me gentle.

Oh, and as a bonus. There was snow, on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in North Central Texas for the first time in some 80 odd years... GLORIES never cease. A Christmas Present for Us From God. We are so blessed. And for the grand finally my daughter's photo masterpiece from Christmas EVE.... I'm sharing the "Audrey" Impersonation over the Mrs. Clause look.

That stick in my mouth - Oh Yeah... A Candy Cane Tootsy Pop. You must try one. They are dangerously good.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Blog Friends.













































































Sunday, December 6, 2009

This Is What It Means To Be Free

"Now the Lord is Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom)." 2 Corinthians 3:17 (AMP)


I've been thinking about what it means to be free.

Not just free to go to the mall, free to vote, free to drive the car of my choice or buy a specific house in a particular neighborhood.

I'm not just contemplating what soldiers fight and die for everyday - personal, physical freedom in a society and culture that allows me to choose the course of my life, my faith, and so on.

While all of these things are valuable, beneficial and important to me. Those Freedoms born on Independence Day... and paid for by the very lives of others who bravely gave what Christ called the sacrifice of greatest love. Even as I become more aware, and am ever more grateful for all of these things...

As I write this post the Freedom that I find myself contemplating is something more. I am talking about Dependent Freedom.

Jesus came to "set at LIBERTY the captives." (Isaiah 61 and Dr. Luke in Chapter four of the gospel he penned illuminate Jesus' high Messianic calling.) Why am I writing about this in what appears to be some wild cryptic code... I DON'T KNOW.

Perhaps these are the musings of a heart that has been shattered and scattered wide for so many years. A heart that is now finding itself whole for the very first time.

Maybe it is just the peace I find myself living in these days: It's a journey of discovery and absolute awe that takes me to new, deeper places with God every single day.

I honestly don't know why it is coming to life for me this way... On this page... This particular day, but I can tell you when it started:

Several months ago I met and communicated regularly with a group of strong, interceding women. We were "pillars" erecting a "tent of meeting" for a women's conference that was being held at our church in the Spring.

Each of us felt that God had impressed upon our hearts to pray for a specific attribute that would be embraced by the women attending the conference. One woman was called to pray for the Love of God while another the Fear of the Lord. And,yet another was called to pray for Mercy and so on. The Lead Intercessor stated she felt called to pray for Liberty while I knew my attribute was Freedom. That morning, as four women sat in Starbucks buzzing with anticipation reciting the beautiful Words God was enscribing on their hearts the question was posed: "What is the difference between Liberty and Freedom?"

Admittedly, I was taken aback. After all - when I look up the word FREEDOM in my Thesaurus I find that "liberty" is indeed an alternate word.

But, as we sat in that particular coffee shop, that particular morning contemplating that particular question I heard the Lord say to my heart, "Liberty is the permission to be free, but it's not really Freedom until you walk in it."

Walking in Freedom. Running in it - basking in the beautiful nature of His Spirit and letting it soak you through to your bones. Allowing His very nature to penetrate every fiber of your being, and making you long for nothing more than to live in the calm and peace of His will your whole life long.

It was just as I was embarking on this journey with my prayer partners that I was discovering what it meant to me to be free. And, to the best of my ability, here is a concise expression of what I learned.

1. Freedom is born of God-given desire and found only in His Truth. Not a natural inclination to be "free" or lawless, nor is it something that we can earn or deserve... True Freedom can be found only in the heart of God - His unconditional love for His creation and His desire to touch the deep places within us personally and completely.

2. What I view as limitations may be an open invitation to walk in Freedom. Whether it is something as simple as being obedient to sit in the back of the room rather than in the front row, or as devestating as the death of someone I love, a debilitating injury or illness, or a financial set back... Whatever I see as limiting - God wants me to see as an invitation for Him to set me free.

3. Liberty beckons us just as a lighthouse calls lost sailors home. Liberty woos and calls to us in the darkness of night. It casts its bright light into the far reaching darkness and begs us to come in... And then we enter the safety of the Light of God to find that freedom is not something we do... It's something we experience. It is the result of what Christ did and my role is to allow it in - to allow it to so consume me in such a way that my life will never - can never - be the same because Christ has changed me from the inside out.

Dependent Freedom... Because it depends not on my desire to be free or what I do to gain it - it matters not my natural origins or my home country... It is dependent only on a sold-out, submitted life to God through His Son, Jesus Christ. It is by His sacrifice, His love, His grace, His heart that I become free.

Yes, my friends. This is what it means to be free. To live life in such a way that not only can you never be the same, but others who bear witness to your life no longer want their lives to remain the same. They, too, find themselves wanting to live life with that abandon, with that promised Freedom that Jesus came to purchase for us - each and everyone.

We all yearn for something more in life...

Many of us believe that something more is a destiny in a distant future promised heaven while others believe it is just over the hump to a better house in a better neighborhood, perhaps with a better husband and a better job.

But, Scripture's promise is that Freedom comes this side of Glory and Jesus' own words in Luke 4 state "Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand." A place of love, redemption, truth and sweet, sweet Freedom. It's right here, surrounding us, beckoning us in the voice of our Master.

Won't you step in?





Come Up Here...

Can you hear your Father calling you....


Come Up Here - Jason Upton





Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Date Night and Leadership Presbytery

A Few Pics...

Scott, my warrior/Knight in cowboy gear!



My stunning outfit...



The Couple headed out for
Dinner at Rockfish,
Presbytery at church,
and Dessert at the Cheesecake Factory.

Putting to work that decorator gift I had called out...
I painted this picture in a couple of hours on Sunday.
It represents Scott's Presbytery in picture.
On Thursday evening last week, our church offered us the opportunity to be blessed, encouraged and called forth according to the giftings and callings God has placed in us both individually and as a couple.

I have recently commented on this blog about how the gift of prophecy is encouraged and presented to the body by the leadership of our home church.

First let me say that we sat in a small room with one other couple and three prophetic team members who offered us words they heard while praying for and asking the Lord about us. We had not ever met any of the five people we shared a room with that night before.

When receiving Presbytery the members are often encouraged to submit the prophetic words to the Lord and only receive what He confirms to us.

Prophetic ministry is administered according to Paul's teachings in 1 Corinthians 14. I pray for two things as I share this with you tonight.

1. That you would glean from the fields the Lord planted for us that night. Pastor Brady Boyd says you can't steal from the Holy Spirit - so if any of the words that follow ring true in your life - take them for yourself.

2. That God's words of encouragement, edification, comfort and exhortation that were spoken to us that night would be made sure - that our calling would be secure and that our submission to His will would bear much fruit.

I pray you are blessed by what you receive.


MICHELLE BENTHAM

Michelle, I see you bringing great beauty into people’s lives. It’s like I see you in a barren room, and you have a basket and you are pulling out these beautiful, beautiful objects. Pottery and Glass and Decorations for the windows, but it’s – I have a feeling that people who are lacking in their lives who don’t have that extra, who don’t have that beauty, who haven’t encountered the living God like you have are drawn to you. And, you champion them. You partner with them to show them the richness of what their true inheritance is. Because what you are pulling out isn’t what you’ve bought, it’s what Jesus purchased for them. And, you are helping them know that they know that they know this is really their inheritance. You are not showing them something that is you. You are showing them themselves. And, I just feel Father’s love for you for doing that. You’ve opened people’s eyes to the richness of Christ, to the richness of their Father God, and you delight His heart.

Well, Michelle, this is what I feel like the Lord wants to say to you. I just, what I heard was that you were a wild flower, perfect and beautiful. You dance with delight and I am so pleased. Your heart of worship is pure, true and strong. I smell a sweet fragrance around you when you dance. I just heard, “Dance, dance, dance!” I don’t know if you dance, but maybe He wants you to dance. Worship Me like never before! I want to spend time with you and I want you to know Me.

Hidden things will be revealed and truth is coming to you about your present situation. You have the gift of wisdom. I want to bring clarity and focus to you.

Jeremiah 33:3 “Ask ME and I will tell you some remarkable secrets about what is going to happen here.”

A Wildflower is a flower that can be hidden on a hill only for My eyes or it can be for the pleasure of any man. That’s how I have made you. You minister to Me, but you also minister to others. You are soft and sweet and you draw people to you.

You know how to navigate people with ease and grace. They are comfortable in your presence and because of this trust they come to you for wisdom and counsel. Speak MY words and speak them often. I have made you to be an encourager and I want you to look for every opportunity to share. It doesn’t have to be heavy, just be available. A word here, a word there, and opportunities will present themselves in ways that will astound.

People just want to be loved. These are hard time. You bring refreshing. Do as I ask and you will develop the gifts within. You are a jewel in my crown!

Michelle, when I prayed for you the first two words that came so clearly were that you are gifted and that you’re treasured. And, the Scripture was in Matthew 6:21 where it says, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”(AMP) And I really feel like what the Lord said to me was You are…Because you have…You know where your treasure is. You know where your heart is. You have chosen to plant your heart in Him, and He sees you as a treasure. He sees you as just a very, very precious thing to be cherished, and He does cherish you.


Um… I felt like the Lord said you’ve had great brokenness in your life. Great Brokenness. He took me to Isaiah 61 about beauty for ashes. And, the Lord has been systematically over the last (however long) He has been giving you beauty for those ashes. And what He’s calling you to now is what it says in Isaiah, to bind up the brokenhearted. He’s sending you back! Sometimes it’s going to feel like you’ve gone backwards in your brokenness, you haven’t. You’re whole. You’re healed. But He’s sending you back to that point because there are other people who are broken and they need to be brought back to where you are. They need to be brought forward, that’s what I feel like the Lord’s really calling you to.
Um… The Lord says you are a declarer of good tidings, of glad tidings. You’re like those angels that come in and say, “Holy is the Lord.” You know, “Praise to Him.” You are that kind of a person. And, He’s going to give you more opportunities to share those glad tidings to lift people up. You’re going to turn people into optimists. You’re going to help them see the goodness of the Lord.

I felt like the Lord said you have a mothering spirit. That you are a good mom. You are a special mom. And, that you are a champion of families. And, that you are a champion of your own family. And you have done really, really well at championing your family. And, you’ve changed your family line. From here on out it’s different because of the lines in the sand you’ve drawn. And the Lord just wants to commend you for that. And the song I keep hearing, I don’t usually hear songs so that’s interesting, is that Beatles song, “Michelle, my belle…” And the Lord just said that you are the Love of His Life and the Apple of His Eye, and He just wants you to remember that.



SCOTT BENTHAM
(And As A Couple)

Well, Scott I feel like what the Lord wants to say to you… And, I just felt this so strongly… I just felt like the Lord say that you are a warrior. He is like David, fearless in battle. He can take out the lion or the bear.

So, I went to 1 Samuel. He led me to 1 Samuel 17:34-37 “I have been taking care of my father’s sheep. When a lion or a bear comes to steal a lamb from the flock, I go after it with a club and take the lamb from its mouth. If the animal turns on me, I catch it by the jaw and club it to death. I have done this to both lions and bears and I’ll do it to this pagan Philistine, too, for he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who saved me from the claws of the lion and the bear will save me from this Philistine!”

Scott is fearless. He has a heart to shepherd and protect my people. He leads with compassion and strength. You have a real heart of courage. You are a healer and deliver. I mean just a real leader.

Um… I heard the Lord say Lead My People! Stand Strong! I’ve made you to be bold as a lion! And the verse, the Scripture that goes with that is Proverbs 28:1.
“THE WICKED flee when no man pursues them, but the [uncompromisingly] righteous are bold as a lion.” Proverbs 28:1 (AMP)

Um… Don’t shrink back! Move Forward! Always charge the battle, the victory is yours. Don’t stop to look at the enemy but press ahead.

I went, I then felt led to go to 2 Samuel 6:17-21. After David was anointed King, He came to seek God’s face before fighting the Philistines. He asked the Lord if he was to fight them and if he would win. The Lord said, Yes, I will certainly give you the victory. David went on to defeat the Philistines and he named the place Baal-Perazim (which means the Lord who bursts through).
“17 Now when the Philistines heard that they had anointed David king over Israel, all the Philistines went up to search for David. And David heard of it and went down to the stronghold. 18 The Philistines also went and deployed themselves in the Valley of Rephaim. 19 So David inquired of the LORD, saying, "Shall I go up against the Philistines? Will You deliver them into my hand?" And the LORD said to David, "Go up, for I will doubtless deliver the Philistines into your hand." 20 So David went to Baal Perazim, and David defeated them there; and he said, "The LORD has broken through my enemies before me, like a breakthrough of water." Therefore he called the name of that place Baal Perazim. 21 And they left their images there, and David and his men carried them away.” 2 Samuel 5:17-21 (NKJV)

I just felt like that you charge the enemy. You believe what God has to say. There is no turning to the left or the right. You are pushing through, you are breaking through, and you are going on to victory. Nothing else will do.

David had many battles and many victories. I am with you just as I was with David. David knew his God. Know Me! Memorize My Word. It will carry you through the tough times to victory. Spend time in My presence with worship. You’re a man after God’s own heart!

(COUPLE) And, I just believe that because of the worship between the two of you, I think God’s hand of protection is upon you. And, I believe you walk in unity. And that is where, Psalm 133 is where because of the unity the oil was poured on Aaron and ran down the beard and because of the unity God commanded a blessing from the throne room. And, I just believe that God will command a blessing from you because you spend time, you worship Him, you know Him. And, I just believe breakthrough is coming.


Psalm 133
1 A Song of Ascents. Of David.
BEHOLD, HOW good and how pleasant
it is for brethren
to dwell together in unity!
2 It is like the precious ointment
poured on the head,
that ran down on the beard,
even the beard of Aaron
[the first high priest],
that came down upon the collar
and skirts of his garments
[consecrating the whole body].
3 It is like the dew of [lofty]
Mount Hermon and the dew
that comes on the hills of Zion;
for there the Lord
has commanded the blessing,
even life forevermore
[upon the high and the lowly].
Psalms 133:1-3 (AMP)

Scott, I see you dressed like a lumberjack with a huge double-bladed ax. And there are people around you who are trapped. It’s like brambles have grown up, thorns have grown up and trapped them. And, you’re able to go in and clear cut that, and free them. You are a… And, you had no regard for yourself. These are things that could easily attack you. You had… It didn’t matter. All you could see were the people who were captured, and had been taken captive by the enemy. And, you had a plan and you had ability because you knew your God was with you. And, I see you just swinging that double-bladed ax and the things that had captured them just falling off and bringing them forth.

(COUPLE) And, I see you together as a team. As I see you (Scott) bringing forth those that are captured, I see you (Michelle) furnishing the things they’ve never had. And there is just like this open field full of flowers where there were just thorns and thistles before. And, there is a great strength that comes between the two of you being together, and being who you are.

And, the Lord respects you, Scott, for the stand you’ve taken. You didn’t see this growing up, but with eyes of faith you’ve been able to see what your Father’s wanted you to do. And, He admires you, and respects you for the walk you’ve chosen to do with Him.


Scott, I also heard that you’re a warrior. And, um…What I heard the Lord say was Stand Tall. Root yourself on the front lines and don’t move. I’ve given everything over into your hands. And, I really felt very strongly that the Lord was just saying that sometimes there is definite temptation to retreat, but you don’t have a reason to. You only need to retreat if you are losing, and you’re not losing. And, you’re not going to lose. And, so, that fear doesn’t need to be there. You can just give that fear over to the Lord, and let it go because there isn’t a reason to fear. You’ve already won. And, now it’s just a matter of carrying out the rest of the battle.


Um… the Lord said you have such a heart of tenderness and compassion. And, that is interesting because it seems like that is the juxtaposition of a warrior. Warriors are thought to be so strong and tough and hard. And, yet inside you have such tenderness and compassion. You know what you are fighting for, and the Lord really wants to commend you for that because that’s so important that you’re heart has stayed tender. It’s stayed tender to Him, it’s stayed tender to people.


The Lord said that you are a faithful friend. And, that’s going to come into play more and more because there are some important and significant friendships that are coming your way. And they’re not only going to help to advance the plans and the calling of what the Lord’s doing in your life – what He’s calling you to do. But, they’re also going to minister to you. They are going to give back some of the things that you’re giving out. And the Lord is wanting you… It’s going to be a good season. It’s going to be a very good season so treasure those relationships.

Um…And, I felt like the Lord said you have a prophetic gift. I don’t know if it is something that is active right now or if it is something that is coming, but I felt like the Lord said you’re a Seer. That He’s going to be showing you things in the future, and He’s going to be showing you the people and the places where you’re going to be assigned. And, I felt like it was going to be in the marketplace. That you have a calling to the marketplace. And you’re going to be assigned and charged with taking the church into the world. And there are going to be some very significant strides that you make in the world. That you are going to show people who don’t know otherwise that church is not a building. Church is what God does in your heart. That that’s what’s important.

So… I just want to encourage you that the Lord has very significant things for you. Very significant, very important things that He’s going to call you to do. And, um… You have a good wife by your side who going to support you. And, um… the Lord’s already placed in you what you need to be able to do this. It’s all there.

PRAYER

Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, Lord God we love you and we thank you. We just give you praise. Lord I just thank you for the heart of courage you have placed within this man. Lord, I thank you that he is out there, that he is a warrior, that he is fighting battles, that he is looking out for Your people that you’ve called him to be a shepherd. Father, I thank you that He has no fear. And, that he charges the enemy and the enemy just doesn’t get away with anything. Lord, I ask that You strengthen him and give him courage. And, Lord, just let him always see… let him see in the natural what’s in the supernatural. Father, I just ask that You stir up those gifts within him, and just give him the opportunities and the open doors. I thank You that You are Baal-Perazim, You are the Lord of breakthrough. And, that you are breaking through.

And God, I thank You so much for Michelle. I thank You for her heart of worship. And, I thank You that she draws people, that she refreshes that she brings encouragement. And Father we just praise You, I thank You that You’re going to show her those great and mighty things that she does not know. That You are bringing her into clarity and focus and revelation. Father, they’re a good team, and I ask that You protect their marriage. Just put a wall of fire around them.

Father I just thank You so much that as a couple they stand before Your throne and raise their hands in praise to who You are. Father, we can see a man and a woman but you see a Diety – You see them together – you see them portraying Jesus and the Church. And, that love that pours forth from them draws many to them. Father, I thank You for both of them and You stir up the gifts of prophecy and whatever means You have for them. Father I just have a sense that it is very deep and very strong in both Scott and Michelle. And that Father you are bringing them into a new season of being exactly who You intend them to be in the body. That the prophecy will pour forth from them to those who are hurt, who are lame, who are dying and will bring them encouragement, comfort, deliverance and freedom. Father, I just thank You that You are their provisioner that everything they need for life and godliness You provide for them. And, Father we just thank You that You pour Your blessing on them because they are so dear to Your heart. You cherish who they are, and Father we just thank You for the gift they are to the body.